The School

The European School Culham is located in the countryside about 10 Km to the south of the famous University town of Oxford. The school enjoys the benefits of spacious landscaped grounds. Its listed buildings date back to the 1850s when it was a leading teacher training college. Its sporting facilities include a gymnasium, a modern Sportshall, a large sports field and tennis courts. (Source: www.esculham.net)

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For those who didn't get the chance to read our Yearbook:

Our Beloved Counsellors...

Just as in Hollywood cop movies you get the scary cop and the friendly cop, in the European School Culham, we have the scary counsellor (Emile) and the "overly" friendly counsellor (Edda). (Though there are definitely days when the roles are reversed!)
These two figures have been here ever since we can remember... watching us grow up and caring about us as if we were their children. This - a huge amount of affection for each and every one of us - is what lies beneath their authoritative exteriors.
Blatantly no one falls for Emile's menacing tone anymore (apart from maybe the littl'uns who are still terrified by him), since each one of us has had the chance to see the sweet BFG (= Big Friendly Giant for those not acquainted with English children's stories) that's inside him. Having your surname shouted at 500 decibels across the canteen though is an authentic Euo School Experience and won't be easily forgotten! Edda's apparent obsession with rules in now taken with a pinch of salt after the numerous quality moments we've had with her on various school trips (trust us, on trips Edda is an absolute PARTY ANIMAL...waltzing with Mr MacFarlane in the biggest club in Europe must go down in history!)
Much more could be said about these two authentic characters (e.g. in the clothing department Emile's wannabe Matrix coat and also Edda's eccentric choice of brightly coloured tight trousers are often the source of much amusement...), but it can all be summed up by saying that these are two people that we will never forget as they are two of the main pillars of our European School.
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Suce mon Cul: Chef Ken Hall

Mingers, Ciabatties, Punanis / Panenises and Bits of Dead Bird in a Brun are only some of the new menu items which have appeared since the appointment of Ken as our school chef. His attitude to school meals and droll euroscepticism turn every sale into a perfectly honed comedy routine and has redefined eating at Culham. Chips, we're told, are silly (and make you smell of wee), apples are for the slightly camp and cookies are very sexy. A typical conversation with Ken would sound something like this:

It is nearing 1:00 on a Wednesday and the lunch hall is quieter than usual. The queus has dwindled to bearable levels, leaving time for Ken(who is leaning at the counter) to mock his customers. Behind Ken is a Coca Cola fridge, small shelving unis holding crips and chocolate bars, and a Fabulous Baker Bros promotional poster depicting a 1950s housewife removing a tray from an oven: "Our muffins are moist and sticky, just like fanny's" A student approaches the service hatch.

Ken: Bonne chevale...
Student: Is there any pizza today?
Ken: Nah; we've got minging hotdogs instead.
Student: OK, I'll have one of those then.
Ken: Rancid! You'll like that wont' you. That's 70 English pence.
Student pays and exits.
Ken [doing his best toff impersonation]: Jolly good Show!!

Ken is uniquely capable of insulting his staff ("Beauty is only skin deep but it's a shame that she was born inside out!!"), promising revolution after the "Health Nazis" stopped him selling Cokes and blaming the government for his above-inflation price rises: Cookies are now 30 English pence ("None of your Euro rubbish")! He has on occasion, refused to sell Mars Bars to Communists, Germans and students paying in copper coins. Long time Culham students find it hard to buy confectionary without muttering one of Ken's catchphrases and will probably not survive without him in the next few years as they are served by different canteens. How can a sausage roll not be rancid? We suggest that Ken begins a career in television, starring in his own sitcom, or settling for a role in the next series of Little Britain, so that we need never go more than a few weeks without him.
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....and his (dinner) ladies

The Dining Hall just wouldn't be the same without Culham's resident trolley dollies Leslie and Joan, who are always up for a chat and a gossip ("He lloks nice today, has he had a haircut?"). Their main duties involve leaving it as long as possible to open the main door and to attempt to stop you pushing in (NB. "I promise I was there all along" is the line to use there). Contrary to these rule-benders Barbara will gladly tell you that you "can't" - whatever the question is. Other legends include Debbie (who had the loudest laugh in history), Sheila (for whom there was a ceremony when she left) and the curiously named "Will she fit through the door?". But the original twosome, Leslie and Joan, usually provide the entertainment at lunch times, with their friendly chat and interesting manner. (Of course we're laughing with them not at them :-) We salute them for their efforts in trying to keep the place clean and us under control - fanx a bunch!
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Source: ESCulham Yearbook 2005